Tony Eldridge; 4/12/59-5/9/08 It was May 9, 2008. I was in the process of searching for a friend of mine named Mark, who I hadn't seen or heard from in ages. He and I were very close at one time, and I couldn't seem to get him off my mind. I'd actually been looking for years, mindful of the fact that something could have happened to him, but refusing to believe the worst. We had shared so many fun and even not-so-fun times back in our early ad agency days, and I missed him terribly. I was positive that things would still be the same between us if I could only find him. I had promised him years ago that if I ever had a daughter, he would be her godfather. My daughter was now 16, and the time was way overdue for her to meet her long-lost godfather. But that's not all that was driving me to amp up my search for Mark. No...on this particular day, I was also thinking about a close mutual friend of ours named Tony. Mark and I had shared many an adventure with our hilarious pal, along with other friends who I met through both of them. I always assumed that if I could find one of them, I'd find the other. But today my focus was on Tony, and for some reason unknown to me at the time, it became more important than ever for me to find my friends.
I had no idea where to start my search. I didn't even know where Mark and Tony were living or if they still spoke to each other. Google was of very little assistance at the time. I tried MySpace and Facebook. I was new to the burgeoning social networking world, but I thought that might be a good place to start. I found nothing. It never occurred to me to try LinkedIn; it was a relatively new site, and I just didn't see either one of these boys using it anyway. Of course, a lot of time had passed and I soon found out that I was wrong in my assumption.
Throughout the summer months, I thought about my friends. I knew that Mark had moved to Washington, DC shortly before Steve and I got married. He returned to Raleigh, NC (where we had all met) for our wedding, and I was obviously thrilled to see him. However, as weddings go, ours was hectic and I didn't have much time at all to talk to any of the guests. At one point, while Steve and I were posing for photos, I glanced over my shoulder and caught Mark looking at me. A tinge of sadness shot through my heart as I realized our lives had taken different paths and we had barely seen or spoken to each other in the past year. A few photo ops later, I scanned the reception hall and noticed that he was gone. For a brief moment, I panicked. As ridiculous as it seemed, I had the worst gut feeling that I wasn't going to see Mark again for a long, long time. As it turned out, I was right. It would be a very long time: 21 years, to be exact.
Fast forward to October 2008. I was working late and about to call it a day, when I decided to open up LinkedIn and see if, by some crazy longshot, Mark or Tony had a profile. I typed in Mark's name first, and...guess what? There, in black and white, staring me in the face was my friend's profile. I had FINALLY found him. He had been in DC the whole time. I quickly jotted down his email address and fired off a quick message to him. I can still remember what it said, "Hey there Stranger! Remember me? Crazy Suzanne?" I had no idea whether or not I'd get a response, but one appeared in my mailbox almost immediately, in gigantic, 100pt red letters: "OH MY GOD! OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU! CALL ME!!!!" And so, I did.
I don't remember everything Mark and I talked about that night; we were laughing, crying and talking at the same time, and at lightning speed. But the one thing that I will never forget was this: "I hate to tell you this, but Tony died back in May. He had cancer." I was shocked...literally. So shocked that I didn't even respond. I think I said some generic thing like, "Oh no, I'm sorry,", or "Really? That's awful". But as Mark would tell me later, there was no emotion in my voice. I seemed to be undaunted by the news. In fact, I truly was shocked. I didn't believe it. I WOULDN'T believe it. I was so shocked, that it took me a full 24 hours to process what I'd heard. How could Tony be gone? I was supposed to find him when I found Mark. We were supposed to have a big, happy reunion with all of our friends from back in the day. We would recount and relive those times of our youth, when we lived on a shoestring budget, wore flea market sunglasses and celebrated life as if there was no tomorrow. Tony was the epitome of that life too - a perpetual comedian, who lived life as I did - full throttle, with no regrets. He was a handsome, gifted musician who was an excellent cook and gardener. He could create just about anything with a sewing machine and fabric, and helped me out of more than one wardrobe disaster. You just could not be in a bad mood around Tony Eldridge. It was impossible.
I could recount scores of hilarious stories involving Tony. I could write books, in fact. I used to howl at the ridiculous names he would call people, my favorite being "Idiot Boy", which he stole from "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas". (He and Mark used to call each other this all of the time. To this day, Mark and I still use the name to describe incredibly goofy, crazy people - mostly Mark) I could also fill a small lake with the tears I've cried for him since learning of his death - tears that took a while to come, and flowed nonstop when they did. But once the crying subsided, I started counting my blessings. I have never laughed harder than I did with Tony, Mark and friends. They got me through some of the worst times of my life and gave me some of the best. In the past five years, I have been fortunate enough to reconnect with some of the friends who were there in those precious good times. And Mark and I are now closer than we have ever been; rarely a day goes by when we don't talk, text or email. I still pat myself on the back for never giving up hope that I would find my friends. And though I'm still sad that I didn't get to see Tony again, I realize just how blessed I am to have known him at all. For in him, I have found strength to get through some of my own cancer battles. Sure, I wish I had him here to talk me through it. But, all I have to do is imagine what he would say to me if he was here. I know he could offer tremendous insight. More importantly, he'd offer a whole lot of love and laughter. And there is simply NO medicine greater than that.
So, here I am, on the fifth anniversary of Tony's passing. I now realize why I was so moved to continue my search five years ago. As Tony took his final breath, that breath transcended miles and made itself to me, renewing my urgency to continue searching for he and Mark. At first, I thought I'd missed Tony. But I didn't. He is here...in Mark, our many mutual friends, his beautiful sister Sandra and every smile that comes in recalling his memory. I found my other Idiot Boy. Boy, did I ever find him...
I had no idea where to start my search. I didn't even know where Mark and Tony were living or if they still spoke to each other. Google was of very little assistance at the time. I tried MySpace and Facebook. I was new to the burgeoning social networking world, but I thought that might be a good place to start. I found nothing. It never occurred to me to try LinkedIn; it was a relatively new site, and I just didn't see either one of these boys using it anyway. Of course, a lot of time had passed and I soon found out that I was wrong in my assumption.
Throughout the summer months, I thought about my friends. I knew that Mark had moved to Washington, DC shortly before Steve and I got married. He returned to Raleigh, NC (where we had all met) for our wedding, and I was obviously thrilled to see him. However, as weddings go, ours was hectic and I didn't have much time at all to talk to any of the guests. At one point, while Steve and I were posing for photos, I glanced over my shoulder and caught Mark looking at me. A tinge of sadness shot through my heart as I realized our lives had taken different paths and we had barely seen or spoken to each other in the past year. A few photo ops later, I scanned the reception hall and noticed that he was gone. For a brief moment, I panicked. As ridiculous as it seemed, I had the worst gut feeling that I wasn't going to see Mark again for a long, long time. As it turned out, I was right. It would be a very long time: 21 years, to be exact.
Fast forward to October 2008. I was working late and about to call it a day, when I decided to open up LinkedIn and see if, by some crazy longshot, Mark or Tony had a profile. I typed in Mark's name first, and...guess what? There, in black and white, staring me in the face was my friend's profile. I had FINALLY found him. He had been in DC the whole time. I quickly jotted down his email address and fired off a quick message to him. I can still remember what it said, "Hey there Stranger! Remember me? Crazy Suzanne?" I had no idea whether or not I'd get a response, but one appeared in my mailbox almost immediately, in gigantic, 100pt red letters: "OH MY GOD! OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU! CALL ME!!!!" And so, I did.
I don't remember everything Mark and I talked about that night; we were laughing, crying and talking at the same time, and at lightning speed. But the one thing that I will never forget was this: "I hate to tell you this, but Tony died back in May. He had cancer." I was shocked...literally. So shocked that I didn't even respond. I think I said some generic thing like, "Oh no, I'm sorry,", or "Really? That's awful". But as Mark would tell me later, there was no emotion in my voice. I seemed to be undaunted by the news. In fact, I truly was shocked. I didn't believe it. I WOULDN'T believe it. I was so shocked, that it took me a full 24 hours to process what I'd heard. How could Tony be gone? I was supposed to find him when I found Mark. We were supposed to have a big, happy reunion with all of our friends from back in the day. We would recount and relive those times of our youth, when we lived on a shoestring budget, wore flea market sunglasses and celebrated life as if there was no tomorrow. Tony was the epitome of that life too - a perpetual comedian, who lived life as I did - full throttle, with no regrets. He was a handsome, gifted musician who was an excellent cook and gardener. He could create just about anything with a sewing machine and fabric, and helped me out of more than one wardrobe disaster. You just could not be in a bad mood around Tony Eldridge. It was impossible.
I could recount scores of hilarious stories involving Tony. I could write books, in fact. I used to howl at the ridiculous names he would call people, my favorite being "Idiot Boy", which he stole from "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas". (He and Mark used to call each other this all of the time. To this day, Mark and I still use the name to describe incredibly goofy, crazy people - mostly Mark) I could also fill a small lake with the tears I've cried for him since learning of his death - tears that took a while to come, and flowed nonstop when they did. But once the crying subsided, I started counting my blessings. I have never laughed harder than I did with Tony, Mark and friends. They got me through some of the worst times of my life and gave me some of the best. In the past five years, I have been fortunate enough to reconnect with some of the friends who were there in those precious good times. And Mark and I are now closer than we have ever been; rarely a day goes by when we don't talk, text or email. I still pat myself on the back for never giving up hope that I would find my friends. And though I'm still sad that I didn't get to see Tony again, I realize just how blessed I am to have known him at all. For in him, I have found strength to get through some of my own cancer battles. Sure, I wish I had him here to talk me through it. But, all I have to do is imagine what he would say to me if he was here. I know he could offer tremendous insight. More importantly, he'd offer a whole lot of love and laughter. And there is simply NO medicine greater than that.
So, here I am, on the fifth anniversary of Tony's passing. I now realize why I was so moved to continue my search five years ago. As Tony took his final breath, that breath transcended miles and made itself to me, renewing my urgency to continue searching for he and Mark. At first, I thought I'd missed Tony. But I didn't. He is here...in Mark, our many mutual friends, his beautiful sister Sandra and every smile that comes in recalling his memory. I found my other Idiot Boy. Boy, did I ever find him...
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