I just got off the phone with my friend Lois. She and I met through the Facebook group, Curing Cancer With a Smile (CCWAS), that I co-founded with my friend Mike Terrill, a fellow cancer survivor. I must admit...my first impression of Lois was nothing close to what it is now. That is due, in large part, to how cancer has changed her life so dramatically over the past few months. In the last few weeks alone, I have watched this frightened, exhausted and emotionally spent woman transform into a steadfast and valiant warrior. Her courage and resolve have skyrocketed, and she's become a true inspiration to those who are watching this story unfold from the balances - myself included. And while we all wish we could do more to help, I am not at all worried that Lois and Company have got this one covered...Hands Down.
You see, Lois is one of the many unsung heroes in the battle against cancer. Her husband, Ben, is very ill; metastatic lung cancer has invaded his entire body. Ben has put up a valiant fight, but is in the final stage of his journey. Lois remains by his side, tirelessly tending to his every need - just as she has throughout his illness. She is mentally and physically exhausted, and she is leaning heavily on CCWAS and Hospice to get her through Ben's final days. But she is handling this dreadful experience like a champion. She and Ben are an inspiration to all 1400+ CCWAS members, as well as many others. And I, for one, am VERY proud of her.
The image of a devoted wife tending to her dying husband does anything but conjure up warm, "happy-go-lucky, rainbows & puppies" feelings. I mean let's face it...this scenario SUCKS. But, if we can see past the ugliness of it all for just a few minutes, there are so many blessings to be found. One of those is the gift of laughter. CCWAS was founded on the premise that love and laughter have the power to get us through the toughest of times. I believe that wholeheartedly, too. Mike and I will both tell you that we never would have made it this far in our own battles without the amazing people who support us, and the incredible gift of laughter. Every day since he and I met, we have talked to each other and hundreds of other survivors and caregivers whose lives have been touched and forever changed by cancer. Our goal is to support and educate each other - and to use laughter as a means of doing so.
Lois was one of the original members of our group. From Day One, she candidly shared her story - introducing us to Ben, his struggles and her frustrations as a wife and caregiver. It was plain to see that she was feeling lost, lonely and confused. She rarely spoke of anything but her own circumstances in the early days, as they totally consumed her life. She found out all to quickly that it's not just the disease you battle on a day-to-day basis; it's often the many other things no one tells you about that can be the most frustrating. But Lois was smart: as Ben's condition continued to worsen, she asked questions, sought advice from other caregivers and survivors and tried her very best to educate herself. Then, a most amazing thing began to unfold...
Being the perpetual goofball that I am, I decided that Lois needed to "lighten up". That is not at all a negative statement. I just felt like she needed a "break" - something more to focus on than the day-to-day stress of caring for a criticially ill loved one. Something that would energize her and help her get through the trying days ahead. Mike agreed. So, with the help of he and other key CCWAS members, I devised a 2-step plan: 1) Help Lois see how much she had to offer other caregivers and survivors in our group, giving her something positive to focus on, and 2) MAKE THAT GIRL LAUGH!!!
Like so many people going through a catastrophic event, Lois couldn't begin see how much her experience was affecting others. When you're in the midst of the storm, it is very hard to see anything beyond the place where you currently are. But many of us could tell that this woman had the potential and the heart to help so many other people in her position, who desperately needed to know that they were not alone. All she needed was some extra love, support and LAUGHTER. Mike and I offered advice based on our own journeys - his being far more advanced than mine. So did others. Together, we all encouraged her. And the laughter thing...well that just came naturally.
To fully understand this, I need to tell you a little bit about Mike. I could write many blogs about this man, and I probably will. But for this purpose, you need to know that this is a guy with a tough outer shell that covers a huge heart of gold. A former sailor, he "tells it like it is", complete with colorful language when he speaks passionately about any topic - especially cancer. I was captivated by him from the first time we spoke. But it wasn't until later that I found out this incredibly strong family man, who has been through so much in his own journey, was VERY funny. As our group membership expanded, and more personalities came into the mix, the conversations became...shall we say...less conservative. Mike and I agreed from the beginning that we were going to "put it all out there" when it came to cancer - both good and bad - and boy, did he take that to heart. I, of course, followed suit - as did several other members. Pretty soon, we found ourselves immersed in some hilarious conversations on the CCWAS page - most of which occurred at odd hours of the night when none of us could sleep. At first, Lois seemed a bit timid when she participated in these colorful discussions. But as time wore on, and we made more attempts to engage her - she blossomed. We could see her energy level pick up as we all laughed hysterically over some of the crazy experiences and statements that were posted. And seeing how this positively affected Lois gave us all a much-needed boost.
In time, Lois became a very regular participant in our late-night Facebook shenanigans. She is now one of our most active members, continuing to offer support to others, even though she is close to losing the love of her life. I knew from experience that she needed this, that it would be tremendously therapeutic for her. I can't tell you how heartwarming and inspiring it is to witness her reaching out to other survivors and caregivers. Her devotion to Ben is the same, but she became a much more effective partner in his battle, in my opinion. Through laughter and encouraging others, she found strength and courage that she never had before. She began to question doctors more and to fight even harder for Ben's rights, as she took the "til death do us part" vows of her marriage to heart. But, she also took another vow to heart...an eternal vow to herself and others, one that will profoundly affect her life and those of so many more in the days and years to come. Lois, whether she realizes it or not, has totally subscribed to a "Laugh Ever After" vow. She has learned how to use the powerful gift of laughter like a shot in the arm to get her through the darkest of days. As a result, I feel confident beyond a shadow of doubt that there will be a very bright light awaiting Lois on the other side of this tunnel.
God Bless you and Ben, Lois. And Congratulations on your graduation from the Zippy Rose School of Laughter. Job well done.
You see, Lois is one of the many unsung heroes in the battle against cancer. Her husband, Ben, is very ill; metastatic lung cancer has invaded his entire body. Ben has put up a valiant fight, but is in the final stage of his journey. Lois remains by his side, tirelessly tending to his every need - just as she has throughout his illness. She is mentally and physically exhausted, and she is leaning heavily on CCWAS and Hospice to get her through Ben's final days. But she is handling this dreadful experience like a champion. She and Ben are an inspiration to all 1400+ CCWAS members, as well as many others. And I, for one, am VERY proud of her.
The image of a devoted wife tending to her dying husband does anything but conjure up warm, "happy-go-lucky, rainbows & puppies" feelings. I mean let's face it...this scenario SUCKS. But, if we can see past the ugliness of it all for just a few minutes, there are so many blessings to be found. One of those is the gift of laughter. CCWAS was founded on the premise that love and laughter have the power to get us through the toughest of times. I believe that wholeheartedly, too. Mike and I will both tell you that we never would have made it this far in our own battles without the amazing people who support us, and the incredible gift of laughter. Every day since he and I met, we have talked to each other and hundreds of other survivors and caregivers whose lives have been touched and forever changed by cancer. Our goal is to support and educate each other - and to use laughter as a means of doing so.
Lois was one of the original members of our group. From Day One, she candidly shared her story - introducing us to Ben, his struggles and her frustrations as a wife and caregiver. It was plain to see that she was feeling lost, lonely and confused. She rarely spoke of anything but her own circumstances in the early days, as they totally consumed her life. She found out all to quickly that it's not just the disease you battle on a day-to-day basis; it's often the many other things no one tells you about that can be the most frustrating. But Lois was smart: as Ben's condition continued to worsen, she asked questions, sought advice from other caregivers and survivors and tried her very best to educate herself. Then, a most amazing thing began to unfold...
Being the perpetual goofball that I am, I decided that Lois needed to "lighten up". That is not at all a negative statement. I just felt like she needed a "break" - something more to focus on than the day-to-day stress of caring for a criticially ill loved one. Something that would energize her and help her get through the trying days ahead. Mike agreed. So, with the help of he and other key CCWAS members, I devised a 2-step plan: 1) Help Lois see how much she had to offer other caregivers and survivors in our group, giving her something positive to focus on, and 2) MAKE THAT GIRL LAUGH!!!
Like so many people going through a catastrophic event, Lois couldn't begin see how much her experience was affecting others. When you're in the midst of the storm, it is very hard to see anything beyond the place where you currently are. But many of us could tell that this woman had the potential and the heart to help so many other people in her position, who desperately needed to know that they were not alone. All she needed was some extra love, support and LAUGHTER. Mike and I offered advice based on our own journeys - his being far more advanced than mine. So did others. Together, we all encouraged her. And the laughter thing...well that just came naturally.
To fully understand this, I need to tell you a little bit about Mike. I could write many blogs about this man, and I probably will. But for this purpose, you need to know that this is a guy with a tough outer shell that covers a huge heart of gold. A former sailor, he "tells it like it is", complete with colorful language when he speaks passionately about any topic - especially cancer. I was captivated by him from the first time we spoke. But it wasn't until later that I found out this incredibly strong family man, who has been through so much in his own journey, was VERY funny. As our group membership expanded, and more personalities came into the mix, the conversations became...shall we say...less conservative. Mike and I agreed from the beginning that we were going to "put it all out there" when it came to cancer - both good and bad - and boy, did he take that to heart. I, of course, followed suit - as did several other members. Pretty soon, we found ourselves immersed in some hilarious conversations on the CCWAS page - most of which occurred at odd hours of the night when none of us could sleep. At first, Lois seemed a bit timid when she participated in these colorful discussions. But as time wore on, and we made more attempts to engage her - she blossomed. We could see her energy level pick up as we all laughed hysterically over some of the crazy experiences and statements that were posted. And seeing how this positively affected Lois gave us all a much-needed boost.
In time, Lois became a very regular participant in our late-night Facebook shenanigans. She is now one of our most active members, continuing to offer support to others, even though she is close to losing the love of her life. I knew from experience that she needed this, that it would be tremendously therapeutic for her. I can't tell you how heartwarming and inspiring it is to witness her reaching out to other survivors and caregivers. Her devotion to Ben is the same, but she became a much more effective partner in his battle, in my opinion. Through laughter and encouraging others, she found strength and courage that she never had before. She began to question doctors more and to fight even harder for Ben's rights, as she took the "til death do us part" vows of her marriage to heart. But, she also took another vow to heart...an eternal vow to herself and others, one that will profoundly affect her life and those of so many more in the days and years to come. Lois, whether she realizes it or not, has totally subscribed to a "Laugh Ever After" vow. She has learned how to use the powerful gift of laughter like a shot in the arm to get her through the darkest of days. As a result, I feel confident beyond a shadow of doubt that there will be a very bright light awaiting Lois on the other side of this tunnel.
God Bless you and Ben, Lois. And Congratulations on your graduation from the Zippy Rose School of Laughter. Job well done.
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